Scientists Are Trying To Clone Jesus Christ From DNA

PALO ALTO –

A billionaire-funded Christian organization is currently working to clone Jesus Christ after obtaining DNA from the Shroud of Turin and feel confident they will have a  Jesus clone in 2016.

“The Jesus Has Returned Project is a private organization devoted to bringing about the Second Coming of Our Lord, Jesus Christ, as prophesied in the Bible,” the The Jesus Has Returned Project spokesman said. “Our intention is to clone Jesus, utilizing techniques pioneered at the Genetic Research Group in Switzerland, by taking an incorrupt cell from the Shroud of Turin, extracting its DNA, and inserting into an unfertilized human egg (oocyte), though the now-proven biological process called symbiotic cellular transfer. The fertilized egg, now the zygote of Jesus Christ, will be implanted into the womb of a young virginal woman (who has volunteered of her own accord), who will then bring the baby Jesus to term in a second Virgin Birth.”

If all goes according to plan, the birth will take place on December 25, 2015, bringing salvation to all who believe, the group claims.

How Can This Be Possible?

The group explains:

a. Modern cloning technology enables us to clone any large mammal – including humans – using just a single cell from an adult specimen.
b. Throughout the Christian world are churches that contains Holy Relics of Jesus’ body: his blood, his hair, his foreskin. Unless every single one of these relics is a fake, this means that cells from Jesus’ body still survive to this day.
c. However, ours is not fake. We are already have Christs’ DNA.

“No longer can we rely on hope and prayer, waiting around futilely for Jesus to return. We have the technology to bring him back right now: there is no reason, moral, legal or Biblical, not to take advantage of it.”