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Life of the Rich! See How Women Twerk Naked for Floyd Mayweather

Floyd Mayweather Jr is not just good at boxing, he is surely good at living the extravagant lifestyle. The world’s highest paid sportsman took to his Instagram page earlier yesterday, November 18, 2014, to post a 15-second video, were he is seen watching over 10 women dressed half naked and twerking in front of him. He captioned it: ‘If GOD made anything better than a woman, I don’t want it’ #mrmylifeisthes*** #tmt #tmg’ Floyd Mayweather, who is also the highest paid athlete in the world according to Forbes list, is currently undefeated as a professional and is a five-division world champion, having won ten world titles and the lineal championship in four different weight classes


see video below..

Should Married People Have Friends Of The Opposite Sex? (Mary J Blige)

Mary J. Blige has been married to husband and manager, Kendu Isaacs, for 11 years and she recently opened up about how they have maintained a happy marriage and a working business relationship. She said their most successful tactic is making sure that both of them have no friends of the opposite sex. Check out her thoughts on marriage below and share yours.



On how she feels as the couple celebrate their 11th wedding anniversary next month.

It definitely feels like an achievement. I never thought I’d last this long in a marriage.

What are the benefits of marrying one’s manager?

“He always has my back – he’s going to fight to the death for Mary J Blige. The downside is that there’s no separation – it’s on all the time. When you don’t feel

WOW!! Rihanna Shows Off Her Fierce Ink At MAC Aids Fund Event In LA Yesterday

As always, Rihanna is a stunner. Yesterday at the Mac Aids Fund, “It’s Not Over”premiere which held in Los Angeles, Rihanna stayed on top of her fashion game while flaunting her fierce hand ink. Check her out! There are more photos after the cut. 

Models on Runway to Stardom!!!

Runway To Stardom is just around d corner.

it includes Celebrity designers like Samielle couture and Rotaleo Patches who have clothed Beauty Queens such as most Beautiful girl in Nigeria and worked on huge Fashion Events like ARISE and Mr Nigeria. 

Others include young designers like Asher of, Qozie Designs Abuja, J Kouture, GB by Davids, Izzy Thomas, Larry B, Henry Parker, Niggz, Odey, Grace and Etta Designs. 

Over 80 models from all over Nigeria will wear their fabulous Designs on the Runway!! Image makers include celebrity makeup Artist, Leke shades with kelly's makeup, Ginkal beauty parlor, Obok makeup, Lucious Looks, Outshine and Others. Remember, TICKETS are out\=D/ and each has a free N1000 download Voucher 4rm Spinlet!! LKA Vlisco gives free vouchers and lots of free Gifts and you also qualify for Raffle Draws, Spa treatments and Designer Clothes. 

Don't Forget the date is Nov 28th.@ Bespoke Events. Centre Lekki. Join us on Twitter @RunwaytostardomFB tgifnight and instagram Runwaytostardom.call 08059559183, for ur tickets....3k regular,5k VIP,100k table of 10.....so get ur ticket now so you can watch ur sweet friend on the runway.red carpet starts by 7pm

Why Are Chinese Citizens Adopting African-American Babies?

BEIJING –

As the Chinese middleclass grows richer, so do their appetites. They’re buying the most expensive and rarest wines, winning auctions for classical works of art all over the world, driving luxury cars, building mansions, but now there’s a new status trend — adopting black American babies.

“It becoming very popular for Chinese middle and upperclass to have black baby from America,” Ying Wang director of Baby Outsource said. Baby Outsource is the largest African-American adoption agency in business. “They want mostly the males. They like how big they grow and think they cute and like deep voices. Black baby very exotic in China as you don’t see much black face. It’s sort of like owning an exotic animals to Chinese people of means.”

Wang says there seems to be no shortage of supply and adoptive Chinese parents are paying a premium.

“There so many black babies need home because all African-American males abandon families and mother have no job, but maybe prostitution, so she can export baby to China where it have good home. And she make a little money from us,” Wang said. “And baby here no become in a gang because they go to best school, University and get normal job, no have to deal drug. Their lives much better in China.”

White Entertainment Television TV Network to Launch in January

Los Angeles – At 6 p.m. PST January 1st, 2015, Telecomm will go live with White Entertainment Television (WET), which is expected reach the homes of about 34 million Comcast subscribers and 11 million DirecTV subscribers, marking one of the largest network launches of a cable channel in history.

White Entertainment Television was conceived following repeated requests from Caucasian cable subscribers for a network that could act as a counterpart to the well-established Black Entertainment Television (BET). A spokesman for Telecomm labeled this request as the number one demand that came up after compiling data from over 1.2 million independent surveys.

Programming for the network is still yet to be determined but is rumored to include shows such as 106 & Rodeo Drive, Ivy League College Hill, White Girls Rock!, Joel Osteen Gospel, Real Husbands of Beverly Hills, Rock City, The Wayne Brady Show, and WET Country Music Awards.

First Baby Unicorn Discovered

SALTA, Argentina –

A group of botanists were studying the affects of deforestation on plant life near Salta when one member came upon an amazing discovery: a baby unicorn. The group gathered around the animal and reported that it showed very little fear. One member gently began to pet the mythical creature and said it made “cute baby noises.”

Several members stayed with the young unicorn, while others searched the forest for its mother, finding no luck.

“It looks to have gotten lost,” the groups leader said. “It’s an absolute doll. We didn’t want a predator to get it, so we put it into a knapsack and took it out of the forest.”

While unicorns have been mostly debunked as myth, many people around the world have claimed their existence, albeit elusive, for centuries, and those believers may now have found redemption. Many think with humans pushing deeper into animal habitat it was a matter of time before a modern unicorn was discovered.

New Perfume ‘EBOLA’ Hitting Shelves

Many are cashing in on the Ebola virus, from makers of Ebola Halloween costumes, to websites issuing fake Ebola stories. Granted, most are a way to humorously allay Ebola fears, but when, as a society, can we say we’ve gone too far profiting from misery?

A new French company is close to releasing a perfume called EBOLA that will surely spark controversy.

Aleron Céline, director of marketing for EBOLA, explains why they have chosen to cash in on the deadly virus and how they justify their product.

“Ebola headlines dominate our daily life. It’s a household word everybody is thinking about, everybody is talking about. And so many people joke about Ebola we feel that they will find it funny to spray themselves with Ebola too… as a bit of a joke.”

Woman Says ‘Ghost Of Michael Jackson’ Molested Her Children

DALLAS, Texas –

Janice Brown, 32, of Dallas was recently arrested and charged with over 30 felony counts of sexual abuse. Over the course of three years, investigators said Brown molested her four children aged three to fourteen. Full details have not been released, but investigators claim the abuse involved inappropriate touching and oral sex. Brown’s long-term roommate finally stepped forward and reported the crimes.

“She my friend since we was two and I didn’t want to be no rat,” the roommate said. “But what I watched her do over three years made me sick to my tummy, especially when she started letting men pay to watch, and I could no longer keep my lips zipped even though I’d pinky swore not to tell.”

However, court records report a bizarre twist in the case: Brown claims her innocence saying ‘The Ghost of Michael Jackson’ molested her four children.

“I love that Thriller album,” Brown said. “But when I’d play Thriller the kids would start crying like somebody was beating them and I wondered what that was about. Now I know Michael Jackon’s ghost was molesting them. People say Michael touched kids when he was alive, so why wouldn’t he do it when he dead? I hope police hire the Ghost Busters to catch Michael Jackson and lock his ghost away forever. I know they got devices for locking up ghosts so they can’t escape.”

Church of Scientology Operating Private Prison

LOS ANGELES –

The Church of Scientology is reportedly operating a private prison that houses staff members who have repeatedly broken church rules or tried to leave the organization.

Church staff consists of executives, back office employees, support staff and others who are directly employed by the church. Ordinary members of the church are treated with more relaxed standards.

Staff members take a blood oath and sign an employment contract which forbids them from releasing church documents, discussing inner-workings of the church or leaving. They must also follow a strict chain of command.

If an infraction occurs, they are typically reprimanded and given various punishments such as docked pay, job demotions or light whippings, but for repeat offenders the punishment can be much greater.

One executive who left the church said he was “hunted down” and held in Scientology prison somewhere in Idaho.

The Prophet Muhammad Likely Transgender

BOSTON –

A religious studies professor at College of Boston has come out with a thesis that the Prophet Muhammad identified as a woman (transgender).  Muslims believe that the Quran was verbally revealed by God to Muhammad through the angel Gabriel (Jibril). However, the professor, who is remaining anonymous, says the journals of Muhammad, which he has been studying in depth for two years, reveal a man having a struggle with sexual identity.

Translated excerpts from journals:

“I feel like my mother inside. Like a woman wants to come out and express itself. I wish to carry breasts.”

“I have a strong desire to wear a veil to cover my female beauty so those will never see my secret truth I harbor in my eyes.”

“Often we see extreme conflicts in sexual identity crisis, but more so with religious people,” the professor said. “In Surah 33, Verse 59, Muhammad has clearly transcribed a command for women to cover themselves. It’s clear to me this was his way to hide his own shame over feeling like a woman.”

“Say to your wives and your daughters and the women of the faithful to draw their outergarments close around themselves; that is better that they will be recognized and not annoyed. And God is ever Forgiving, Gentle.”

— Qur’an, Surah 33 (Al-Ahzab), Verse 59

Transgenders can often be straight, gay or asexual, but the College of Boston professor believes Prophet Muhammad was likely homosexual.

Idaho Biology Teacher Slaughters Bunny Rabbit In Class

NAMPA, Idaho -

School officials say a Columbia High School biology teacher killed and slaughtered a rabbit in front of 16 sophomores to show them how livestock is processed into food, Jenny Creston, the Nampa School District spokeswoman, said Thursday.

She said she isn’t releasing the name of the teacher.

The teacher expressed remorse for his action in class on Monday, Creston told the Idaho Statesman.

“I shouldn’t have done it. Sorry,” the teacher said.

Students had asked the teacher to show them how livestock was processed on more than one occasion. He initially declined. But then he then purchased a rabbit at a local pet store and brought it into the class, where it was killed and brutally butchered.

Female Teacher, 26, Has Sex With 16-Year-Old Student, Video Leaks Online

A female Argentinian teacher, Lucita Sandoval, who had sex with a 16-year-old pupil is facing termination after the student secretly took a video of himself by getting her to turn around during a tryst.

In the video the 16-year-old boy, who was wearing a soccer shirt, is seen smiling enthusiastically and giving the camera the thumbs up symbol before panning around to show he is having sex with Lucita Sandoval, 26.

Later on it seems as if the teacher realizes the boy has been filming her but doesn’t do anything about it. Afterwards he told her he had deleted it, but instead he showed it to his friends.

Animal Whorehouse Discoverd In Mexico

MEXICO CITY –

Photographer John Hurd was traveling around Mexico when he came across a sign with an image of a sheep that read El Beastro. Curious, John pushed through a tinted glass door that lead down dingy stairs into a receptionist area clad in zebra and cheetah prints. An attractive young woman sat behind a desk and welcomed him with a smile.

The woman offered John a menu and explained how the place worked. John could choose an animal and for the listed price he could spend a half-hour with it. This wasn’t an exotic restaurant as John had quickly hoped, this was an animal whorehouse.

There were no rules, except the animal could not be beaten or killed.

“I was horrified,” Hurd said. “Absolutely horrified. But I decided to buy time with a cat.”

Mother Puts ‘Wild 17-Year-Old Daughter’ Up For Adoption

PHOENIX —

Melinda Baker’s 17-year-old daughter, Lacy, is far more than she can handle. She says her daughter is a ‘slut of the highest order,’ has a cocaine and alcohol problem and refuses to mind.

“I’ve tried grounding her,” Baker said. “Doesn’t help. She sneaks adult men and alcohol into her room. I’ve caught her dancing naughty on the Internet, took away her computer, next day she has a new computer. Finally, I told her if she didn’t stop drugging and slutting I’d put her up for adoption.”

Man Keeps Dead Wife In Glass-Enclosed Coffee Table

GILBERT, Arizona

32-year-old, Harem Deeb, whose wife recently passed away couldn’t let her go.

This is where Harem’s story takes a twisted turn. His wife, Lucy, was born with a heart condition that cut her life short at the young age of 29. Lucy’s last words to Harem were, “We will meet again in heaven.”

These words served no consolation to Harem’s despair. At the funeral, in an act of desperation, Harem decided that he would not let Lucy leave him.

“I could no longer take the pain that my wife’s death has caused me, so I brought her back home,” Harem said. “I called the cemetery caretaker and explained my feelings. I spoke with the authorities and got special license for her. I rather have her at home than seven, however many feet it is, under ground. Lucy had a great sense of humor and I’m sure she would appreciate being my coffee table.”

Woman Wearing ‘I Heart Crystal Meth’ Shirt Arrested For Meth

LAUREL COUNTY, Ky. — A Kentucky woman’s ironic photo is going viral.

Deborah Delane Asher, 37, was arrested and charged with trafficking in a controlled substance, first degree and possession of methamphetamine.

The Laurel County Sheriff’s Department posted her mugshot on its Facebook page. In the photo, Asher is wearing a “I Heart Crystal Meth” shirt.

“The shirt was meant to be ironic,” Asher said. “I don’t really do crystal meth, nor do I love it. I just happened to have some in my possession. I didn’t plan to do it nor has I ever done it.”

Ancient Document Claims Jesus Had “Wild Sex Life”

A bizarre ancient document was recently discovered in the archives of the Vatican.  Signed by an unknown author named Varmachi the document claims Varmachi was the best friend of Christ and luridly describes their wild party and sex lives. Varmachi is mentioned nowhere in the Bible.

“It’s very nasty,” a Vatican spokesman said. “It speaks of threesomes, orgies, Jesus Christ getting so drunk he would vomit on his own robe, using prostitutes, gay sex. I know Jesus was just a man, a sinner like all of us, but could it be he was really this raunchy?”

The Varmachi document said Jesus stopped partying before age thirty when he felt he had to get serious about being the Savior; however, before that, Varmachi said Christ’s life centered exclusively around sex, drugs and drink.

SEE THE BOOK BELOW...

Ku Klux Klan Opens its Doors to Hispanic, Blacks, Jews and Gays

A faction of the White supremacist organization, the Ku Klux Klan is rebranding as the “new Klan” by trying to increase membership to Jews, black people, gays, those of Hispanic origin and handicapped people.

However, all those wanting to join the ultra-right wing society will have to wear the white robes, masks and conical hats, no skin can be shown.

The requirements for joining the new KKK group, called the Rocky Mountain Knights, are to be aged 18 and live in the Pacific Northwest.

Some black people have already expressed an interest in joining.

“It’s time to squash the beef, you know what I’m saying?” Tryone Crawford of Portland said. “I forgive them for the racial violence and murdering of my people. I can show that forgiveness by joining up. We can all learn to love each other and put the past behind us.”

Dangerous New Sport: Riding Alligators

SHARK VALLEY, Florida –

Many people in the popular tourist area of Shark Valley, Florida are mortified by a new recreational activity: gator riding.

Stacy Williams’ boyfriend recently snapped a photo of her riding an alligator they have named John. She claims this is her twentieth ride on John’s back.

“John loves it,” Williams said. “He’s now to the point where he swims over to me like a taxicab when I arrive and I just step on. He can really get moving. I’ve fallen off a few times, but I have a great oar for balance and never fall now.”

Sir Shina Peters Made a wish:- I Wish Clarence Peters Is Not My Son –

This morning, popular OAP, Toke Makinwa, hosted legendary music icon, Sir Shina Peters on Hiptv’s ‘Trending’. The Nigerian Juju musician who was born Oluwashina Akanbi Peters appeared very healthy and lively as he spoke about his life, career and his relationship with his son, Clarence Peters.

‘I would soon be 60, but I believe I am where I’m today by the grace of God. Praying and fasting also helped in sustaining me in the industry. I also owe part of my success to story to Late Fela, for his encouragement and candid advice. He warned me not to be a one sided musician, but to do something that would be accepted by all- music for all nigerians. That advice helped my acceptability in the whole country and across.”

Witch Claims Religious Right To Smoke Meth

ST. LOUIS –

A woman recently arrested in St. Louis on meth charges claims that it is her religious right as a practicing witch to cook and consume methamphetamine.

According to court records, Sandra Adramelech and her longtime boyfriend, who legally changed his name to XXX, had their mobile home raided where police found an operational meth lab.

“Being a Black Witch is my faith,” Adramelech said in a court statement. “And just like the Native American people can eat peyote for their sacred rituals, I can cook and smoke crank. I use it when I’m casting spells on my enemies which requires a lot of energy. I also use it for marathon Ouija board sessions.”

10 celeps who killed people :- Attorneys Kept These 9 Stars Out of Prison

Hollywood has no shortage of celebs and where there are stars there is often trouble. From gang-bangers, to rock stars, to hall-of-fame athletes, to models these celebrities were all involved in incidents where someones life was taken. Thanks to very deep pockets and the top notch attorneys in Southern California these stars avoided very lengthy prison sentences.

#10 Snoop Dogg

Born Calvin Broadus, Snoop Dogg is a legend in hip hop and pop culture. Snoop’s hip hop career exploded when he was signed with Death Row records alongside mentor and mega producer Dr. Dre.

Snoop’s first album ‘Doggystyle’ is certified 4x platinum according to soundscan. The album has multiple singles that still get radio airplay including ‘Gin & Juice’, ‘Lodi Dodi’ and ‘Murder was the Case’.

In 1995 Snoop Dogg (Calvin Broadus) and bodyguard McKinley Lee were charged in the murder of Los Angeles crip Philip Woldemariam.. Mr. Woldemariam fellow crip Snoop and his bodyguard in Snoop’s 1993 Jeep Grand Cherokee. During the confrontation Woldemariam was shot at least 2 times killing him.

In January 2006 Snoop and his bodyguard McKinley Lee were found not guilty on the murder charges but the jury remained deadlocked on the manslaughter charge. Snoop would deal with this legal matters for almost 3 years after the initial not guilty verdict.

Snoop and McKinley Lee were represented by Johnnie Cochran, Morrissey, David Kenner of the Johnnie L. Cochran, Jr. law firm.

 

#9 Jayson Williams

Jayson Williams was NBA (National Basketball Association) All-Star that began his career in 1990 after being drafted by the Phoenix Suns in the first round of the draft.
The 6’10″ power forward signed a free agent deal with the Philadelphia 76er’s for $86 millions.

KKK-Member Running For U.S. President

MEMPHIS –

Ku Klux Klan (KKK) member Enus Jones announced his bid for the U.S. Presidency this morning at a small press conference held just outside Memphis, Tennessee . His speech promised to send all minorities back to where they come from.  Several unhooded members wore ‘Go Back to Africa’ T-shirts, others held ‘Enus Jones for White President’ signs.

“We got a coon president trying to Africanize this country and I don’t want another pubic-head taking his place,” Enus told a crowd of twenty. “But prison monkeys ain’t the only threat. We got faggots, sand n**gers, tomahawks, bean eaters, ching chongs, women and other non-white males wanting to be president. When I’m elected to the Oval Office I’m going to send all these f***ing apes, minus white women, back to where they come from.”

After his campaign promise, the audience chanted “White Power” and “Make America White.”

Adult Humanzee (Human/Chimpanzee) Found Living In Nigeria

LAGOS, Nigeria –

Nigerian Daily Times News reports that a 26-year-old humanzee is apparently living in Lagos, Nigeria. This bizarre news comes on the heels of the baby humanzee recently born in a Nigerian laboratory.

In order to escape potential violence, the female humanzee named Azi lives in isolation, her only contact a few sympathetic human friends who attend to her basic needs.

“She can speak rudimentary English, but mostly communicates through sign language, ” a close friend of the humanzee said. “She has released photos and a short statement and hopes to come out of hiding as she needs urgent medical help.”

Azi said in a press release:

350-Pound Woman on Welfare: ‘I’m Obese Because I Don’t Get Enough Government Money

A 350-pound British woman claims she’s only morbidly obese because the government doesn’t pay her enough money.

Christina Briggs, 26, of Wigan, England, claims she can only eat fattening junk food — because healthy organic Non-GMO food is just too expensive for her pocketbook, according to an interview in The Daily Mail.

Could working out help her lose weight? This notion is also out of the question: gyms are just too pricey, and she doesn’t have proper education on how to exercise herself.

“A personal trainer is too much. I tried swimming but it cost £22 [$36] a month and it meant I had to cut back on my favourite pizza and Chinese takeaways,” she said.

She would jog outside, but “doesn’t have proper footwear or a jogging outfit and I don’t know how to jog.”

“It’s not my fault – healthy food is too expensive,” she added. Briggs stuffs her kids with PopTarts, chocolate fingers, chips, salsa, and Marshmellow Fluff, along with her fast food takeout.

Briggs receives an impressive $36,000 a year from the government.

Male Prostitute Plans To Spread Ebola Virus

OKLAHOMA CITY –

Street prostitute Nick Brody who was last arrested in July for prostitution said over the weekend that he plans to contract the deadly Ebola virus and spread it through unprotected sex.

“Prostitution is my chosen profession and I’ve worked hard at it. I’m really good at it. Just ask my satisfied customers” Brody said. ” But I hate the Oklahoma City pigs for arresting me all the time and getting in the way of my job, so I’m going to get revenge.”

Brody said if can’t find an Ebola infected person in the United States, he plans to fly to Nigeria, have sex with an Ebola carrier, come back to Oklahoma and spread it through sexual transmission.

Texas “Cannibal Pedophile” Death Row Inmate Requests Child As Last Meal

Jim Buzzard, 37, a cannibal pedophile sentenced to death in Texas, asked this weekend that his last meal be … a little boy.

Buzzard, to be executed by lethal injection next week, filled out his application indicating that he wanted to enjoy a child of no more than 8 years of age. He also required the child not be of Asian origin.

The prison administration is required to accept all last meal demands of any kind. Thus, it may be that they bring in a corpse from the morgue to satisfy the desires of Jim Buzzard.

Gay Group Protests Heterosexual Wedding

SAN FRANCISCO –

A recently formed San Francisco group called Gays Against Traditional Marriage stood outside San Francisco City Hall this morning to protest a heterosexual wedding going on inside. A solider, recently home from active duty, was marrying his longtime high school sweetheart.

“It was so sad,” the groom’s mother said. “Jason went through hell in Iraq and these hateful people pretty much ruined what should have been the best day of his life. Why would they want to disrupt something as beautiful as a wedding?”

Members of the group, who refused to identify themselves, said they have several reasons for the protest.

Woman Hospitalized To Remove Deer Tongue Used To ‘Please’ Herself

LITTLE ROCK –

A woman is recovering after a bizarre chain of events that led doctors to find a deer tongue lodged in her vagina.

The Arkansas woman, who’s name has not been released, went to her gynecologist complaining that she was having vaginal discharges that looked like oatmeal and had a “very bad odor.” Her doctor performed a standard exam and finally ordered a pap smear.

The pap smear indicated that certain cells were not human and investigated further.

“During the exam, I was utterly shocked with what I had found. Never in my 33 years of practice have I seen anything like this,” Dr. Lee told the American Journal of Forensic Medicine and Pathology. “What I removed from the woman, looked like a long tongue, but certainly not a human tongue. Then, what she admitted was even more disturbing.”

White Gangsters Killing Kittens As Gang Initiation

LINCOLN, Nebraska –

******Due to the graphic nature we have decided not to show photos of the actual dead kittens******

Local police and the Animals in Distress organization have been been baffled upon finding piles of dead kittens around Lincoln; however, a local gang — The White Mafia — are now claiming responsibility.

In a written press release White Mafia gang leader, who goes by the street name Antagoniztik, said:

“I know people on the streets be making fun of us for killing kittens like we’re not gangsta. I say f**k you. I grew up with cats, I love cats and kittens — they my only friends as a shortie [child]– and you know how hard it is to kill a litter of kittens? That shit stays with you forever. It’ll give you PTSD. It’d be much easier to kill a man, but kittens are cute as shit. Nobody doesn’t think they’re not cute, so it takes serious testicles to go 187 on a litter of kittens.”

Apparently, killing kittens is only part of bizarre White Mafia gang initiation. Reportedly, initiates must also be urinated on by the entire gang and severely paddled.

NASA Confirms Earth Will Experience 6 Days of Total Darkness in December 2014!

WORLDWIDE - NASA has confirmed that the Earth will experience 6 days of almost complete darkness and will happen from the dates Tuesday the 16 – Monday the 22 in December. The world will remain, during these three days, without sunlight due to a solar storm, which will cause dust and space debris to become plentiful and thus, block 90% sunlight. This is the head of NASA Charles Bolden who made the announcement and asked everyone to remain calm. This will be the product of a solar storm, the largest in the last 250 years for a period of 216 hours total. Reporters interviewed a few people to hear what they had to say about the situation with Michael Hearns responding, “six days of darkness means six days of darkness. Everyone needs to prepare.”

Mummified Remains Of A Fairy Discovered

SEATTLE –

Halloween morning the remains of what has been declared a mummified fairy were discovered in a Seattle man’s garden.

The 8 inch remains complete with wings, skin, teeth and flowing red hair have quickly been examined by archaeologists and forensic experts at The University of Washington who can confirm that the body is genuine. X-rays of the fairy reveal an anatomically identical skeleton to that of a child. The bones, however, are hollow like those of a bird making them particularly light. The puzzling presence of a navel even suggests that the beings reproduce the same as humans despite the absence of reproductive organs.

“At first I thought it was a half-buried Halloween toy,” the homeowner said. “But the creature was clearly made of organic matter. My wife, before she died of Alzheimers, said she’d seen fairies in our garden conducting a funeral but I, naturally, thought that was hooey. But I guess the world still has surprises.”

Scientists Are Trying To Clone Jesus Christ From DNA

PALO ALTO –

A billionaire-funded Christian organization is currently working to clone Jesus Christ after obtaining DNA from the Shroud of Turin and feel confident they will have a  Jesus clone in 2016.

“The Jesus Has Returned Project is a private organization devoted to bringing about the Second Coming of Our Lord, Jesus Christ, as prophesied in the Bible,” the The Jesus Has Returned Project spokesman said. “Our intention is to clone Jesus, utilizing techniques pioneered at the Genetic Research Group in Switzerland, by taking an incorrupt cell from the Shroud of Turin, extracting its DNA, and inserting into an unfertilized human egg (oocyte), though the now-proven biological process called symbiotic cellular transfer. The fertilized egg, now the zygote of Jesus Christ, will be implanted into the womb of a young virginal woman (who has volunteered of her own accord), who will then bring the baby Jesus to term in a second Virgin Birth.”